Understanding I'm A Result Of The Closest People I Interact With

You’ve probably heard that saying, ‘your only as good as the company you keep’ right? A much more insightful way of understanding that, is in Proverbs 13:20 “Though you may be wise, foolish friends will eventually destroy you. Though you may be foolish, wise friends will show and teach you success” Cool, a bit harsh & direct but factual.

So, I decided to take a look at my inner circle and then ask myself a few questions I.e. How do they affect my life? What do they do that influence my decision making? What type of life do they live? Do I really know them? & Whats their purpose in my life?

(N.B. one key thing I learnt from asking these questions is, If I start to develop a purpose built friendship, then my environment/circumstances become more of a maze & not a trap)

Therefore, I openly spoke to the closest people I surround myself with & really have a deep insightful conversation with them. I spoke about how I felt their character, actions, decisions, or way of doing things may have negatively influence me at times or how we can be so close but yet we are not uplifted at all. I also spoke about how all we do, is mainly cry/complain about our current situation/circumstances then sell ourselves false hope of change, distracting from the problem by doing unnecessary stuff that doesn't aid a change.

(N.B. sometimes, I can even be the negative influence, so I had to stop, acknowledge it & make a change through taking action on myself first i.e. using my #30DaysOfSelf challenge - check my first blog post)

Now, those type of convos are ones you only have with close people that you surround yourself with. It will either strengthen your friendship or break it. If it breaks it, then you know you’ve removed an obstacle from your life progressing. I don’t want to be in a friendship that causes me more pain, stress, self-doubts, unhappiness than it causes me the opposite. After questioning myself & the closest people I surround myself with, I was able to separate my friendships in groups & develop new purpose built friendships too. More importantly, I was able to strengthen a part of my friendship group, as we become more open about our lives to each other, spoke a lot more about positive stuff, push each other when feeling negative or down, providing solutions through advice or practical ways of dealing with problems, ensuring we both have plans & are making moves towards it. In addition, we reference God a lot in what we do, we pray & speak life into each other. The best part is, that we are all now going through our own self-development path, have a purpose & we hold each other accountable to make sure we stay on track in what we do & ensure that we don’t dwell on our pains, past or current circumstances.

(N.B. real friends teach you things & want to see you grow. Others use you for their benefits and hold you back (@Erykahasia via instagram). If they don’t feed you in any way then they're just taking from you I.e. mentally, emotionally, physically or financially etc.)

However, If the closest people around you ain’t influencing you positively, then either step up and challenge them, so you both make a change or let that person go so you don’t hinder your progress. If you're unable to fully let it go, just distance yourself & be friends from afar, because you're only as strong as the closest people you interact with. Nonetheless, this way of thinking, allowed me to know what I want in a friendship, to naturally attract & interact with the type of people I want in my life.

(N.B. surround yourself with people that know your potential & help you realise it. The closest people around you should be able to remind you about who you are, when you forget your qualities, skills & core values etc.)

One major thing I’ve learnt while watching motivational videos (#30DaysOfSelf challenge - check my first blog post) is to learn to separate my friendships in groups that fit me I.e.

•Immediate friendship group: people I talk to about my life, my goals, plans, problems, ideas, general stuff etc. They are the people that I can tell anything, they push me forward, motivate/support/ advice me etc. Their the closest people I interact with (vice versa)

•Social friendship group: people I mostly just banter with, have fun with, party with at times etc.

•Spiritual friendship group: people I talk to mainly about God etc. we support each other in developing our relationship with God

•Business friendship group: people I mainly really talk to about business ventures, how we can improve what we do, share ideas, knowledge or contacts in regards to business etc.

•Acquaintance friendship group: people I’m cool with, mainly talk to when I see them or we cross path on social media etc. usually just a hi, a catch up convo then bye.

(N.B. people can fit into more than one category not necessarily just one. Separating them allows you to avoid setting expectations that they may not meet. This also enables you to distinguish who belongs in your immediate circle etc.)

A well known preacher (T.D Jakes) that I watch time to time, broke friendship into 3 types:

Confidants - they are there for you no matter what happens. They only want the best for you, they feed you, push you towards your goals etc. & don't ask for nothing in return.

Constituents - they are only there for what you can offer them. They feed off you & are ready to leave once they find someone else that offer them better.

Comrades - they only come into your life to join forces with you to fulfil a purpose or defeat a common enemy & they leave once that purpose is fulfilled or enemy is defeated.

(N.B. learn to differentiate one from the other. For a much more deeper insight into T.D. Jakes - 3 Types Of Friends, click this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=klcWfOf8Ncw)

Questions I ask myself:

•Who are the closest people around me & how do they impact me?

•Is my mental health stable with them around?

•Do they feed me or just take from me?

•Have I confronted them about any negative thoughts I may have about them that hinders our friendship?

Thanks for taking time to read this & please don’t forget to subscribe & leave a message! :)

Follow my journey on instagram @Davidologunja