To Have What I Desire, I Need To Become The Person That Deserves It

I tend to say, I want this or need that, but I never question, if I’ve become the person that deserves the things I so desire? Hence, even if I do get what I desire, at a time that I’m not deserving of it, I will either misuse it, not be satisfied or fail to recognise its value.

Furthermore, I find myself regularly saying stuff like “why does this keep happening?” or “see... I knew this wasn’t gonna work” etc. meaning I’m subconsciously used to not having what I desire, so end up doing the same things repeatedly, that hinder me from having it without realising.

(N.B. sometimes it may be, that I desire the wrong things/people or at times, struggle to accept what I desire when it comes, as I feel unworthy of it)

Therefore, I decided to look within & question myself as to what I do wrong or don’t do that causes that to happen. For example, I used to think I can’t get into a r’ship, as I thought most girls I came across were not ‘serious’. This was usually based on feeling like we engaged sexually too soon lol but I soon realised, that I was the problem. Why? because subconsciously, my initial intentions was more of a sexual desire than it was about their inner being. On top of that, my desire for sexual activities superseded my desire for an actual r’ship. Hence, I could end up meeting a girl, do the same thing by subconsciously setting up sexual expectations & end up in a situation-ship. So of course, I was never going to ‘find the one’ or be able to have the mental maturity to get into a r’ship I truly desired.

Ironically, even when I do come across a girl I want to take seriously, I fail to properly appreciate & value her worth, because my mind is so used to having sexual desires that I struggle to accept or recognise a woman I truly desire. This is when the “I’m not ready” situation occurs, because deep down inside, I know I'm not deserving of that woman, but I would cover it up by finding other reasons/ excuses as to why I can't get with her, so end up losing her or wasting her time.

(N.B. only a coward awakens a woman’s heart without intentions/actions to be her rib... similar to what my friend @Timi_ol on Instagram would say)

So, what I now did, was critically analyse the reasons I'm unable to get into a relationship with someone I desire, by asking myself questions like:

•What kind of conversations am I having with my friends about women? (Those conversations, heavily influence my decision making, so I either change it or disengage from it)

•What type of conversations I’m I having with the women I speak to? (Is it one of substance that’s productive, Can I grow/learn from it & vice versa?)

•Do I truly know what I want in a woman mentally, physically & spiritually? And do I actively seek that?

•Most importantly, I'm I deserving of the type of woman that I desire or is that woman I think I want even ready for the person I need to become? (Plot twist lol)

(N.B. Rather than looking for a relationship, seek friendships while single. Figure out, if your visions align together rather than how well you can entertain each other)

Now, the three main steps I take to have what I desire are:

•Firstly, writing in detail what I want and how I want it to be. I may not get exactly what I want but writing it in existence, triggers my mind to work towards that & seek it. For example (r’ship wise), I would write down the personality traits & physical attributes of the person I want to be with - not just words, but full sentences.

•Secondly, disengage from whatever/whoever causes me to make the same mistakes that stops me from getting what I desire. For example (r’ship wise), I personally need to stop engaging in casual sexual activities & avoid situations that can lead to that happening especially in the early stages of getting to know someone (easier said than done, I know lol).

•Thirdly, once I know exactly what I desire, & what stops me from having it, the last step, is to now work hard towards becoming the person that deserves what my heart truly desires. For example (r’ship wise), change my subconscious intentions with women, have a mindset to build friendships, and engage in purpose built conversations about their wants/needs in life. Also, aim to help them grow in what they do if possible (with no expectations), disengage & let go if nothing meaningful comes from our interaction etc. but mainly, only awaken a woman’s heart with a desire to be their rib.

Thanks for taking time to read this & please don’t forget to subscribe & leave a message! :)

Follow my journey on Instagram @Davidologunja