Learning How To Let Go

In October 2018, I realised how much I hid behind things to protect myself from being seen as vulnerable or struggling etc. It always seemed easier & convenient to hold on to something I’m unhappy with than to let go of it due to fears of having nothing to hold on to.

(N.B. sometimes it’s not just physical things you we need to let go of. It could be letting go of a thought or mindset I.e. that thought that makes you think you can’t do better or be better than your current self)

For example, I previously had an events company I started with my friends in October 2015. However, as time went by, things weren’t going to plan, we had no proper structure or direction, had no clubs to use in our city etc. I didn’t realise how much I relied on it for 3+ years. Not until last year, when things got worse & we were unable to do any events apart from 2 (one was at a loss). Although, I knew it wasn’t working for me nor was I happy, I was going to stay, just because I wanted to maintain the same perception of ‘owning’ a business I.e. money, clout, respect etc. I was too attached to who I was at the start of the company, that I allowed myself to be blinded from who I can become if I just let go of that false perception. More so, didn’t want to be seen as broke, as we weren’t making money due to barely doing any events. However, it just felt good to say I own a business to maintain a perception. I didn’t want to be honest with myself, by accepting that the business was not working, I wasn’t happy, I was going broke. I needed to reflect, let go and start to create a realistic future for myself by being honest & transparent.

(N.B. If you find yourself holding on to something that constantly hurts you more than it empowers you, stop for a minute & ask yourself: why am I holding on to it? & then imagine what it’ll be like if you let go. Don’t focus on the worst thing that could happen if you let go - Focus on the best things that can happen if you let go)

Hence, I had to look deep within & ask myself why I was holding on. I realised, the main reason I was still trying to hold on to it, was because I didn’t have anything else going for me. I had no plans, no goals, no other business etc. just hope. I was afraid of not being able to say I own something. I thought I was protecting myself but unknowingly hiding behind my fears only lead to hurting myself more & more over the years, especially financially. It’s kind of like being in an unhappy relationship, but you stay in it due to fear of being alone, fear of people laughing at you if you leave, fear of not being able to replace that person etc. So as times go by, it just drains you till you reach a breaking point. That was exactly how I started to feel. The worst part, is when people start to look up to you saying “I want to be like you” because of the perception of being ‘successful’ in what your holding onto.

(N.B. learn to avoid saying things like “I want to be like you” because you don’t know that persons journey or current situation behind closed doors. Best to replace that with “I want to know what you know” because you can apply the knowledge gained)

Nonetheless, I decided to let go of the company 2 months ago. Although, I was nervous, had a lot of ‘what if’ moments, & anxiety etc. But I began to understand like Will Smith said, on the other side of fear is success.. but I would never know till I let go & have faith. One of the main benefits of letting go, is that it led me to think outside the box, to really figure out who I want to be, what I want to do, as I didn’t have anything to rely on but myself. I’ve currently co-started two new companies (which are still in its early stages but both are companies I have a vision for & are aligned with my goals and life interests). It took me 3/4 years to let go of something I was holding hostage for a false sense of security and fear of it exposing my vulnerability. However, it could’ve been much longer, so there’s never a better time to let go & face your fears than now & not allowing the fear of success (not failure) to hold you back. Like I say, I’ve just started... I’ve still got a long way to go but I’m on my way.

Questions I asked myself:

•What I’m I currently holding on to, that I’m not happy in?

•Why am I holding on to it?

•What are the best things that can happen if I let go of it?

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